hello once again.
I'm sitting here in front of a giant screen. In Granny's house.
It's suppose to be a god damn TV but my creative uncle made it a computer screen and honestly, im getting a really bad headache looking at this screen. my eyes hurt too.
And his Alienware keyboard is so hard to type -.-
I'm like pressing the backspace key every 4-5 words i type.

So what am i doing here? Cos it's the weekends, im suppose to go back to my house at tanjong pagar but my parents are overseas.
They are currently in Hong Kong enjoying themselves now.
okay i better type faster. the screen is making my head throb and its getting annoying using this keyboard.
and im getting a little tired...

Had a good catch up session with 2 friends today.
Went for some good food, went to a bicycle warehouse outlet and thats about it.
and to be honest, theres something that has been bothering me recently...

You.
It has been almost 7 months and counting now since we last belonged to each other.
Ever since, you've been on my mind basically everyday for the past 7 months.
yes, sounds crazy but its true. I'm not lying or trying to act pitiful here. Whats the point anyway.
for the past 10 months being together with you, i definitely did not regret a single thing.
I mean, there were definitely moments were i got so tired of quarreling and sometimes just feel like giving up on everything. but...i decided to hold on. Why? I guess it's the passion i have for you.
To be honest, yeah, we did fight a lot in our days together.
We fought 60% of our relationship.
Well, isn't that the only reason why we were able to last that long......till you decided to give up.
Ever since you left, i question myself everyday.
Why did you leave?
Am i not good enough for you?
Are you sick and tired of me already? If you are, then that isn't love. you lied then.
And many other questions that make me think a lot.
Well, if you think that i was just using you, think again and again.
If i was just using you, would i trust you so much as to tell you so many of my personal things?
Would i have sacrificed so much time,effort and money on you?
If i was using you, i wouldnt be so devastated when you left me.
If i was using you, i would have found someone new within 2-3 months.
If i was using you, i wont even care if you left me.
If i was using you, i wouldnt be typing this now.
If i was using you, you wont still be in my mind after 7 months.
But ever since that day, you seemed to have a much better life.
You seem so be able to socialize more, you seem to be smiling and laughing a lot more than before.
That's good, i feel happy for you. BUT, equally as sad because im not the source of your smiles and happiness anymore.
You seemed happier, more carefree and enjoying life more when you left me.
I guess i was a burden to you after all.
And now, you have someone taking care and loving you now. no, not your bf cos i believe you when you say that you dont have one. But the one who's caring and loving you now is your closest friend.
I'm really happy to see the both of you back tgt. really. not being sarcastic.
You have someone now, your feelings, your love and your heart has been restored. why? because now you have someone who cares and loves you as much as how i USED to.
but me...? still somewhere in the midst of getting on with life which always seems to fail.
But i know, sooner or later, as ive said in my previous posts, you'll find someone new. and i mean a boyfriend.
It's just a matter of time. trust me. After the O levels, we are all free. you'll have so much free time and im sure youll meet someone one way or another. If not? you will find someone in your poly life. I am very sure of that.
And thats where i lose you...permanently.
As for now, it seems like having or getting you back is impossible. even as a friend.
I always imagine that one fine day, i would see you walking with another boy. holding hands or hugging or kissing or just cuddling. one fine day.

I shall continue tomorrow maybe.